South Shore can't go down the drain, they collapsed

South Shore is now a no-go area for those with and without their own transport.
Labour has only just taken charge and already the Road Gods have sabotaged their plans to make the traffic flow.
The sewers have reported again collapsed and engineers found a mass of scaffolding poles and fighters heavy mits undermining the system. Sewers are now collapsing faster than Conservative support. Police are concerned that a Blue and White chequered scarf was blocking the outflow into the sea. It is thought it was placed there several years ago.
Buses are now avoiding South Shore for fear of following -allegedly- the police car down another conservative hole. Disabled shoppers are advised to get the train to Preston and beyond - but you can't use south stations!

On a lighter note, an elderly lady was seen remonstrating with two horse riders, on the pavement outside of the Royal Oak at approximately 1800 hours last evening. They were last seen riding off into the sunset having deposited a large parcel of rose fertiliser for the pedestrians to spread into the flower beds. Police reports that it has nothing to do with them as the uniforms worn by the miscreants have been stolen from police stores. Regulars in the Royal Oak say it is a load of imported Japanese Hog-weed and the real shits were on the horses backs.