Hello and welcome to a brand new edition of 'ASYLUM'.
Today's program features another chance to take part in our exciting competition:
HIJACK AN AIRLINER
A COUNCIL HOUSE!
We've already given away hundreds of millions of pounds and thousands of dream homes, courtesy of our sponsor,
The British Taxpayer.
And don't forget, we're now the fastest growing game on the planet.
Anyone can play, provided they don't already hold a valid British Passport, and you only need one word of English:
Prizes include all-expenses-paid accommodation, cash benefits starting at £180 a week and a chance to earn thousands more begging, mugging and
accosting drivers at traffic lights.
This competition is open to everyone
buying a ticket or stowing away on one of our partner airlines, ferry companies or Eurostar.
No application ever refused - reasonable or unreasonable.
All you have to do is destroy all your papers and remember the magic password:
A few years ago, 140 members of the Taliban family from Afghanistan were flown Goat Class from Kabul to our international gateway at Stansted where local law enforcement officers were on hand to fast-track them to their luxury
£200-a-night rooms in the fabulous four star Hilton Hotel.
They joined tens of thousands of other lucky winners already staying in hotels all over
Our most popular destinations also include the White Cliffs of
If you still don't understand the rules, don't forget, there's no need to phone a friend or ask the audience
Just apply for legal aid.
Hundreds of lawyers, social workers and counsellors are waiting to help.
It won't cost you a penny.
It could change your life forever.
So play today.
Iraqi terrorists, Afghan dissidents, Albanian gangsters, pro-Pinochet activists, anti-Pinochet activists, Kosovan drug-smugglers, Tamil tigers, bogus Bosnians, Rwandan mass murderers, Somali guerrillas...
COME ON DOWN!
Get along to the airport!
Get along to the lorry park!
Get along to the ferry terminal!
Don't stop in
Go straight to Britain
And you are GUARANTEED to be one of tens of thousands of lucky winners in the softest game on earth.
Everyone's a winner, when they play
This is today's mass release email. I would have condemned it to file 13 had it not hit a nerve. Just when I am challenging the authorities and making an application for Judicial Review, without any legal assistance or financial help in a matter concerning a British man, a veteran soldier, an Englishman with a very young family, children under the age of 18, I read that Binyam Mohamed is getting assistance from a large charity, has legal representation from a southern firm of solicitors and Mr David Davis has raised the issue of legality with the British and American governments.
He is not British, has forfeited any assistance by going to the Taliban - on his own admission to rid himself of his drug dependence - an organisation which is murdering BRITISH men and women, has left these shore voluntarily and yet idiots want to drag him back because the Yanks have violated his Human Rights. What about the Human Rights of the families his associates are murdering?
And where is the assistance that British families can readily get when so much charity is being handed out to associates of terrorism, mass murdered, Human Rights abuses and just plain evil.