A week in a few pictures

With Master Politicians issuing their latest innovative card, the Smash and Grab which gives all users a get out of Jail Free service, applications have soared amongst the stink estates of inner England. Masterbaiters can take a night off from their fishing duties to join in the latest crazy of Steal One and get One Free, the entrance free is lobbed in 'gratis'.



Police are concerned that the Loot to Order scheme has gone awry. In the Pinch and Runner pubs the negotiation was for 42 inch plasma screens @ a £10 for the Lady handler. A police spokesperson said that misguided youth are running a sloppy show and should take lessons from senior politicians in Northern Ireland. "Large packets like these," said a police spokesperson from her shelter in a nuclear bombproof HQ in Brussels, " are not as easy to get shut of as Speed and Acid - guns and explosives." "And if there is any chance of a constable doing something heroic, the Army in Afghanistan is being put on alert to come Home and take the flak for our incompetence."



Unabashed, it seems that the entrepreneurial spirit is alive as Youth Employment Schemes start behind the bosses backs.
"Where can I get a free holiday away from all this shit?" seemed to be the question of the day. And, "does it have a guarantee?" It appears that goods could come with a life time policy of free food, drink, drugs and accommodation, but only if the public has it's sway.



Tired of answering questions, the Blue Rinse Party have started their own exit routes from Blackpool's Squires Gate Airport, with Slippery Looters Unconvicted Thieves getting a free franchise to charge whatever they want of honest travellers. The £10 collected from ever wary passenger is going straight to a hoot for certain councillors at one of the remaining hotels not so far affected by the recent proliferation of arson. A Paintball Festival is being announced for the 29th February 2013, on the beach outside the Forces Favourite subsidised hostelry. In the meantime, newly elected councillors are attending lessons in how to surpass their predecessors in obfuscation and avoidance of issues arising. The Leader of the Ruling Party has already ordered ten million printed letters with "I don't know and I don't give a shit. I'm in charge and you can go the Police for all the good it will do you, because I wasn't here when that money was stolen..." pamphlets. What is really bad is that they are not even fit for wiping arse on.