ANC says Zuma needed 33 cars for wives, Jesus, beer.

PRETORIA.

The ANC has defended using taxpayers' money to provide Jacob Zuma with a 33-car motorcade for electioneering in Limpopo last week. According to a spokesman Zuma required 28 cars for his wives, one for himself, one for Jesus Christ in case He returned as Zuma has been promising, and three for his elephant guns, leopard skins and beer.

The president of the ANC has been condemned by opposition parties for spending taxpayers' money while not holding any public office, but this morning Zuma's spokesman, Yesman Nkandla, said that the criticism was unfair. "If he'd brought Comrade Julius Malema with him he'd have needed three more cars for Comrade Julius's wet-wipes, diaper bag, bottles of Purity, and so on," said Nkandla. "So under the circumstances 33 cars was fairly modest."

He also hit back at opposition leader Helen Zille who last week accused Zuma of banana republic-style displays of opulent leadership. "To say that Msholozi's motorcade reflected a banana republic brand of leadership is grossly untrue," said Nkandla. "The presidents of banana republics drive 1974 diesel Mercedes sedans with leopard-print upholstery. "Msholozi drives a 2008 7-series BWM with condor-skin upholstery. It is totally different." He said that comparisons to the motorcades of Zimbabwean despot Robert Mugabe and his Zanu-PF henchmen were also completely baseless. "Comrade Zuma is nothing like Mugabe," he said. "Mugabe is a fascist who has betrayed his people. "And he only has fifteen cars in his motorcade, not 33. In all respects he is inferior to Msholozi."

Meanwhile the Ministry of Transport has urged motorists to cooperate with official motorcades. In a statement released this morning Deputy Transport Minister Quickfit Nkabinde said that motorists should refrain from driving "in a manner that is provocative to public officials and might result in them getting shot at in a defensive manner by the officials' bodyguards". He listed these provocative actions as "driving on any public road being used by a government motorcade, failing to direct your motor vehicle into the nearest ditch upon seeing a motorcade approach, and weaving across lanes to present an unsporting moving target to bodyguards".