Sick, I know....

A man with  a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to a Xmas fancy dress party.
He doesn't know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden leg, so he writes to a fancy dress 
company to explain his problem. A few days later he receives a parcel with a note:

Dear  Sir,
Please find enclosed a  Pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald  head and 
with your wooden leg you will be just right as a Pirate. The  man is offended that the outfit  
emphasizes his disability, so he writes a letter of complaint..  A week passes and he receives 
another parcel and note:

Dear  Sir,
Sorry about the previous  parcel. Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover 
your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part.  The  man is really 
incandescent with rage now, because the company has gone from emphasizing his wooden leg 
to drawing attention to his bald head.  So he writes a really strong letter of complaint.. A few 
days later he gets a very small parcel  from the company with the accompanying letter:

Dear  Sir,
Please find enclosed a  tin of Golden Syrup.
We suggest you pour the tin of  Golden Syrup over your bald head, let it harden, then stick 
your wooden leg up your arse and go as a toffee apple.