1st April 2008 The Peoples List

• Labour Government promises to publish all expenses.
• Asian politicians promise not to try to rig any more postal votes.
• Ministry of Defence to employ real people instead on the nodding donkeys. All MoD civilians to do a two year tour of Afghanistan. No-one knows on whose side.
• Town Councils to sack all employees getting more than £50k per annum. The savings will pay off the National Debt within three months.
• Hospitals to be run by DOCTORS and NURSES. Every second pencil pusher to learn how to wipe bottoms instead of licking them.
• Visitor to hospitals will have to wash their hands on entering. Doctors and nursing staff to have ipods which continually remind them to wash from patient to patient.
• 3 million new houses to be built on Lake Windermere.
  
• Lords will no longer criticise the Government for fallacious stories over the benefit of immigration.
  
• Home Secretary Jerky Smit of the ZZ to fetch in a bill to imprison anyone who asks a question she does not want to answer.
• MP's assistants to be drawn from a pool employed by Parliament and answerable only to an independent ombudsman nominated by former servicemen and their families.
• Former service personnel to get their true pensions.
• MP's who fiddle their expenses to be whipped - wrong - hung over the entrance to Parliament. It does say until dead but there is a difficulty in determining them from the living.
• Homosexuality rules in the Armed Forces to be brought into line with other Nato countries and be derogated.