DEFINITION OF A POLITICIAN

DEFINITION OF A POLITICIAN

 

While stitching a cut on the hand of a 75 year old farmer, whose hand was caught in the squeeze gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man.

 

Eventually the topic got around to politicians and their role as our leaders.

 

The old farmer said, "Well, as I see it, most politicians are 'Post Turtles'.''

 

Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post turtle' was.

 

The old farmer said, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle."

 

The old farmer saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to explain.

 

"You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, he's elevated beyond his ability to function and you just wonder what kind of dumb arse put him up there to begin with." 

 

Best explanation of a politician I've ever heard.

More The Auctioneer, Blackpool South

Greg and Marley, Merry Christmas

MERRY CHRISTMAS to Greg and his fans.
Here's another YouTube from the Marley

The Auctioneer, Blackpool South

The Staff, with a little help from Santa and his entourage, raised over £500 for Clic Sargent, the charity for children fighting cancer.

Thanks to all the children and their older friends for being so generous.

Political understatement

Overheard at a Lieber party.  One Partisan to another.  

“Hi, Natasha. How’s business?”

“Wonderful. If I had another pair of legs I’d open up in the Lib/Concoalition!”

Sexual advise for Young Men

I couldn't help but over-hear two guys in their mid-twenties while sitting at a bar.

One of the guys says to his buddy, "Man you look tired."

His buddy says, "Dude I'm exhausted. My girlfriend wants to have sex all the time, morning, noon and several times a night. I just don't know what to do."

Me, an older fellow who looks to be in my 60's or 70's was sitting a couple of stools down, and also over-heard the conversation. I looked over at the two young men and with the wisdom of my years said, "Marry her. That'll put a stop to that shit!"

Jack and Jill evolution

JACK AND JILL

Jack was about to marry Jill and his father took him to one side.   'When I married your mother, the first thing I did when we got home was take off my trousers,' he said.  'I gave them to your mother and told her to put them on.  When she did, they were enormous on her and she said to me that she couldn't possibly wear them, as they were too large. 'I told her, 'of course they're too big. I wear the trousers in this family and I always will. 'Ever since that day, we have never had a single problem.' 

 

Jack took his father's advice and as soon as he got Jill alone after the wedding, he did the same thing; took off his trousers, gave them to Jill and told her to put them on.

 

Jill said that the trousers were too big and she couldn't possibly wear them.

'Exactly,' replied Jack. 'I wear the trousers in this relationship and I always will. I don't want you to forget that.' 

 

Jill paused and removed her knickers and gave them to Jack. 'Try these on,' she said, so he tried them on but they were too small.  'I can't possibly get into your knickers,' said Jack. 

 

'Exactly,' replied Jill. 'And if you don't change your f *** ing attitude, you never will 

Oh how times change!!!

Charity fund raising in South Shore

   The Auctioneer

Lytham Road, Blackpool: 

Sunday Evening 14^th December 2014 @4pm.

     His only visit to South Shore.  At your request, a one

         off opportunity to meet ……in...

His secret grotto will be open to all children –

from newly born to ancient tots

SANTA

And his little helpers

Plus raffles, A ONE OFF QUIZ, tombola, fun and games

          To raise much needed funds for Children fighting Cancer.